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Writer's pictureJustin Whippo

Nightmare on 34 Street (2023)

My quick rating - 3.5/10. With the holiday season approaching, I decided to check out this flick, a Christmas-themed horror anthology. At 129 minutes, this movie overstays its welcome, especially given its low-budget execution. Santa himself narrates the wrap-around story, which follows a mysterious version of St. Nick arriving on 34th Street to tell three interconnected horror tales, all of which are meant to make you rethink Christmas. Unfortunately, the anthology doesn’t live up to the promise. The first and second tales are only OK while the other two are trash.

The first story kicks off with a gang of serial killers dressed as a twisted "Mr. Red," an elf, and a snowman. They kidnap siblings, brainwash them, and force them to join their murderous spree after killing their parents. While this story has some potential with its dark holiday twist, the pacing drags, and the characters are too flat to make it compelling. It feels like it’s trying to do too much and ends up feeling muddled.

The second tale focuses on a struggling, coke-addicted ventriloquist whose puppet, a vulgar snowman named "Mr. White," might also be a killer. This one leans into some dark comedy, but it never fully delivers on the creepiness or laughs. The idea of a foul-mouthed snowman puppet is amusing in theory, but the execution left a lot to be desired.

The third segment is about a mentally ill mother egged on by Krampus to kill her children. The concept of Krampus in a Christmas horror flick is a nice touch, but the segment feels rushed and lacks the emotional depth to make it resonate. The mother’s descent into madness is superficial at best, and it doesn’t stick the landing.

Finally, the wrap-around story ends with a killer priest who buries his victims alive, eventually getting his comeuppance. While this story serves as the climax, it also feels rushed and lacks the impact that a good revenge twist should have.

Overall, we have a mixed bag of holiday horror, with each segment missing the mark in one way or another. While the anthology format is a fun idea for Christmas, the film's long runtime, weak character development, and inconsistent tone make it a slog to get through. Despite some quirky elements like the killer snowman puppet and Krampus, the movie fails to maintain tension or interest throughout. If you’re in the mood for a holiday horror, there are much better options out there.

Amazon has this one, Justwatch also has a couple of thers.

Nightmare on 34 Street (2023) #jackmeatsflix
Nightmare on 34 Street (2023)
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