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Ninja Apocalypse (2014)

Updated: May 6

My quick rating - 4.8/10. I went into this one on the title alone knowing nothing about it. I checked IMDB for reviews/ratings but got nothing. Oops, the movie isn't out yet (check CNN for my ongoing argument about piracy as I am typing this). So back to the movie, it is The Warriors meets Mortal Kombat meets the Zombie Apocalypse. Individually all of those movies are far better than this concoction of them mixed together. Ok, I know that is a tough one to piece together into a story that makes sense, but don't try, the filmmakers didn't do so either and this review basically writes itself. The story starts out with the exact same idea as Warriors, unite the gangs (in this movie's case, clans) together to form an undivided unit that cannot be stopped by a rival (not cops, just some unmentioned threat). Well, the leader of this movement, played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, is assassinated and the onlookers finger a member of the Lost Clan as the assassin. So now all the other clans are after the Lost Clan. If this sounds familiar, it is because you saw the Warriors same exact story, but wait, I mentioned Mortal Kombat. Yes, the members all have individual powers akin to the characters of the game/movies. We even have the super strong large man (Jax) which I could go on pointing out them all, but back to the story. So the fight scenes themselves are done well when choreographed. I mention that part since there are scenes that appear like they just winged it. In avoiding the other clans in this gigantic underground warehouse where they met (go ahead and try to figure out how the structure exists from the area outside when they enter the place, it is comical) the Lost Clan plummets downward in an elevator to the area no one has come back from (their words, not mine). The reason becomes clear, it is infested with Zombies. So now they must defeat these zombies to get back up the elevator which broke upon impact at the bottom. Now that zombies are involved, it was time for Lloyd Lee Barnett to break out the CGI for no apparent reason to splatter blood and show the impact of striking/slashing, etc. The effects suck, to sum it up for you and this has to be a budget reason since he has been a part of some serious heavyweights in the visual effects department, click his link. Well, since the zombie part is now out of the way, the remaining members of the Lost Clan (they killed off the female member way too soon) must escape (a really big stretch here) to find out who the real killer is. So to break this down for you, the characters exist as mere point A to point B. There is no chemistry, and why is that you may ask? The acting is absolutely horrible. Well, in case you are worried, I won't spoil it for you, I will just go into the big climactic ending duel, and yes, you guessed it Star Wars. Good vs. Bad, one a glowing blue sword vs. a glowing red sword. To say this movie is a mess is an understatement. To say it rips off the good parts of far superior movies is also understated to the point of ridiculous. The funny part is, all these elements combined made me laugh, and enjoy it just enough to keep it. The pace is quick and the movie clocks in at 84 minutes, so a good time waster if you get it for free (DO NOT pay for this). Since I mentioned it isn't out yet, maybe this will be a made-for-SyFy or FX movie so you can check it out. Who knows, I can't see this making a theater. There are much worse movies out there, but on the same note, there are much better as well. The scene ripped away from Warriors with the all-female gang...err...The clan was worth seeing in and of itself. If the movie ended with In the City by Joe Walsh, I would've given it a much higher ranking. Retread note, I did not rewatch this recently so no idea if that rating was the beer talking since it is at a 3.2 on IMDB now LOL. 05.06.24 This is the last time I am addressing this movie. I watched it again, and everything I said is spot on, rating included.

You can find this one on a couple of streamers including Amazon.

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