Snake Hotel (2023)

My quick rating - 2.5/10. I am fully aware of what to expect but this poster just looks like so much fun. All I can assume is that someone found a nice little digital effect for creating real-looking snakes and pitched a stupid idea based around the CGI animals for this movie. There is certainly no effort put into the acting or the insanely poor fight scene near the start of this flick. That exciting scene envisioned in the poster below never happens. The hotel is more of a private estate in the middle of nowhere and the owner Miss Fang (Chrissie Wunna) is breeding these giant snakes for no apparent reason. In order to entertain and feed her lovely pets, she scrapes prisons for "whores" to feed them. Director Charles Solly may have something against women with the constant derogatory names used for the girls. I am going to lean towards that as all part of the joke though so I wouldn't get all offended. Also entered into this mess of a script is some android robot-type thing that follows Miss Fang's every command. Admittedly this character or creation, whatever it is, does add some humor to the weak dialogue this flick sports but again, no explanation for its existence. So the motley group of inmates that are brought to the hotel for a game aren't varied at all in their characters and all play it quite stale. Minus Danielle Scott who is fresh off the heels of Winnie the Pooh and is a sadistic killer that is just as much of a threat to the other girls as the snakes are. At least she brought some flair to her role since the rest played cardboard cutouts. Without her role in this debacle, I would have been rounding down to a 2. For a movie that runs a brisk 95 minutes, it seemed to take twice that long. The story just doesn't work at all and that is mainly due to a script that seemed more like a few darts thrown at the "plot" board and mashed together at the last moment to accompany the huge snakes that someone had the fun of CGI creating. The death scenes themselves are just so funny at how ridiculous they look. That is when you get to see them since the offscreen maneuver is also utilized to hide the budget constraints. This one is definitely for those who just love the overgrown predator flix or maybe the heyday of SyFy originals that were purposely bad for the joy of it. Enjoy at your own risk.

Your streaming choices are limited beyond Amazon for this one.

#horror #jackmeatsflix #IMDB