07.29.14

Movie review: Went into this one on title alone knowing nothing about it. I checked IMDB for reviews/ratings but got nothing. Oops, the movie isn't out yet (check CNN for my ongoing argument about piracy as I am typing this). So back to the movie, it is "The Warriors" meets "Mortal Kombat" meets the "Zombie Apocalypse". Ok, I know that is a tough one to piece together into a story that makes sense, but don't try, the filmakers didn't do so either and this review basically writes itself. The story starts out with the exact same idea as "Warriors", unite the gangs (in this movies case, clans) together to form an undivided unit that cannot be stopped by a rival (not cops, just some unmentioned threat). Well, the leader of this movement is assassinated and the onlookers finger a member of the Lost Clan as the assassin. So now all the other clans are after the Lost Clan. If this sounds familiar, it is because you saw "Warriors" same exact story, but wait, I mentioned "Mortal Kombat" Yes the members all have individual powers akin to the characters of the game/movies. We even have the super strong large man (Jax) which I could go on pointing out them all, but back to the story. So the fight scenes itself are done well, when choreographed. I mention that part since there are scenes that appear like they just winged it. Well in avoiding the other clans in this gigantic underground warehouse where they met (go ahead and try to figure out how the structure existsfrom the area outside when they enter the place, it is comical) the Lost Clan is plummetted downward in an elevator to the area no one has come back from (their words, not mine). Reason becomes clear, it is infested with Zombies. So now they must defeat these zombies to get back up the elevator which broke upon impact at the bottom. Now that zombies are involved, it was time for the filmakers to break out the cgi for no apparent reason to splatter blood and show impact of striking/slashing, etc. The effects suck, to sum it up for you. Well, since the zombie part is now out of the way, the remaining members of the Lost Clan(they killed off the female member way too soon) must escape (real big stretch here) to find out who the real killer is. So to break this down for you, the characters exist as mere point A to point B. There is no chemistry, and why is that you may ask? The acting is absolutely horrible. Well, in case you are worried, I won't spoil it for you, I will just go into the big climactic ending duel, and yes, you guessed it "Star Wars". Good vs. Bad, one a glowing blue sword vs a glowing red sword. To say this movie is a mess is an understatement. To say it rips off the good parts of far superior movies is also understated to the point of ridiculous. Funny part is, all these elements combined made me laugh, and enjoy it just enough to keep it. The pace is quick and the movie clocks in at 84 minutes, so a good time waster if you get it for free (DO NOT pay for this). Since I mentioned it isn't out yet, maybe this will be a made for SyFy or FX movie so you can check it out. Who knows, I can't see this making a theater. There are much worse movies out there, but on the same note, there are much better as well. 4.8/10 IMDB to come when others get to see it. All points earned are for nostalgia. The scene ripped away from "Warriors" with the all female gang...err...Clan was worth seeing in and of itself. If the movie ended with In the City by Joe Walsh, I would've given it a much higher ranking.

06.14.14

I went into this movie knowing nothing about it being a "Lordi" film. That being said, I am glad to have found this review from someone named "flamewall" located in Finland (the movie is Finnish). Here is his review:

"I got to say that i went to see this movie with low expectations. I didn't believe that a Lordi movie could be good because i actually couldn't imagine it as a whole. Though, after i saw the movie i was amazed at how well the writers and the director pulled it off. It is often said that horror is the most delicate type of movie because there is only a slight difference between scary and ridiculous. but this doesn't concern Dark Floors because it is not (atleast in my mind) a full blooded horror movie. The movie has many horror elements but doesn't still come off as horrorish. That doesn't make it bad it just means that you can't go in to the theater wishing that you will be scared out of your nickers. The visual and audio feel of the movie was excellent all the way and there is nothing anyone can say about that. The plot did leave a annoying amount of plot holes and the ending didn't really clear any of them up and the viewer was just left to quess what the plot was all about. Still it didn't bother half as much as the under use of the Lordi band members. I have never liked Lordi and never listened to them but while watching this movie i became interested in the different monsters they play. Sadly, the plot did hardly nothing at all to use the unique backgrounds and looks of the different ghoul part from the different superpowers they all demonstrated. What i am saying is that i would have liked this movie to be more about the monsters than the victims... really who gave a goddamn thing for what happened to the all knowing copper or the businessman type. The only character i got even a bit curious was the weird hobo with superpowers and a weird telepathic relationship with the girl but he is never explained in any way(a big mistake).

In retrospect i think they could have done a lot more better but i also think that there is a lot of good in this film also and i hope it will be a success financially. There is just one thing Finns can't tolerate: a successful Finnish movie if it is not a drama."

My take on the movie as a whole,an interesting mix of “monsters”, ghosts, and zombies; some good effects; you can say you’ve now seen a Finnish horror film(The most expensive movie ever made in Finland at the time)but it is

pretty damn nonsensical; too easy to defeat some of the threats; never tells us why the mask-wearing vikings are so angry and has way too many plot holes and unanswered questions.

Apparently I reviewed this years ago as well LOL : 

Movie review:"Dark Floors" Well Lordi made their way onto the screen. The movie has tons of atmosphere, some is creepy just by being so bizarre and empty.The actors (winking at you little girl) was good. Pacing was done well, story itself led to a nice WTF at the end. Kills were slightly repetitive. Don't expect to understand this movie, so sit back and enjoy. 5.1/10 (IMDB 4.6) Oh ghost effects were good btw.

06.14.14

Movie review:Nice to see Tyler Mane in a role other than his typecast fare. You know him (sorta) as Sabretooth, or Michael Myers, but here Tyler shows he can act, along with write and produce. Michael receives a frantic call from his estranged father to come to his home (a fortress really full of paranoid fears of the supernatural) Here is where Michael (Mane) and his family must confront a spirit(Michaels brother) that took his sisters life. When Michael stumbles onto the murder, he then shoots his brother which leads to a short trip into the afterlife of the angry soul. The movie itself delves into the occult type transition into the afterlife which the family had a knowledge of for generations. Not all go on happy, some stay on a ruthless rampage. The gore is minimal which worked for the film since the characters did a fairly good job acting out a well written screenplay to keep your attention. Far from a classic movie, but will definitely make a fan of horror movies satisfied with a nice story, good images, kills when needed, and all the bells and whistles to bring you back to an age of horror movies that don't need gore and cheap scares to drive the movie.

Kudos for the casting director for bringing icons of the horror genre together into this movie (Derrick Mears and Muse Watson, along with Tyler Mane) are very memorable faces from movies and TV I am sure you have seen (kept calling Watson "Franks" LOL ) Overall a great first effort from this team and I look forward to what Mane and Geerlings can bring to the table in the future. Enjoy 5.2/10, IMDB 4.4

06.07.14

I will start by warning "zombie" movie fans by pointing out this movie

is much more of a drama than a horror flick. So if you are looking for

blood and guts, this isn't the place. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed

this movie for braving out the thought of how people would cope and

react to the situation. After a zombie breakout has been sustained,

"returners" still are members of society (infected people that are

treated in time to fight the virus). To do this, they must take doses

of a drug daily to keep the virus dormant. This of course leads to the

whole plot. The acting in this movie was well done, but at times, the

people just seemed a bit to normal to me. I guess that is a good thing

though, to make it somewhat believable. A good script with some

interesting ideas were done quite well and it is nice to see a fresh

take on the subject. There are some ridiculous scenes (the car in the

parking garage scene is utterly ridiculous) but petty things like this

aside, the movie as a whole is well worth a watch (rental or cheapie

tickets, not full Hollywood rape price). Enjoy 5.7/10

05.13.2014

For an independent film, this movie was pretty well done. That being said, the movie catches itself up far too often in the obvious religious overtones that it contains. Showing young adults living life, in excess of "sin" (i use that term loosely but you get the idea) doesn't really lead to much of entertainment, as it is done without humor, excitement, extreme, etc. It is just more there to be there. To critique it, the acting is horrendous and the costume design is straight out of the seasonal aisle at a local department store. But with the budget, that is what is to be expected. I can say there are much worse ways to spend an hour and a half (hollywood blockbusters, with a fraction of the heart) but putting comparisons aside, stand alone, it is just another movie. 4.1/10 IMDB 4.3